Relieved, exhaling, but nonplussed

I have to be completely honest.

Leading up to the election, I kind of disassociated from the reality of what was going to happen on Tuesday, November 3. As an American citizen who is a Black queer womxn, I felt very disappointed not just in this country, but in the political party that takes for granted the efforts and needs of Black people, women, and queer people on a regular basis.

It seemed like the DNC was saying that two old white men accused of sexually harassing and assaulting women are the best you can hope for or expect. Which, as a firm believer in Black Girl Magic, just seems straight up outrageous to me.

And when I saw that Kamala was chosen for VP, I immediately felt two things, very deeply, at the same time:

1. excited for the culture and the visibility
2. extreme side-eyes at the DNC and Biden

Which brings me to how I'm feeling after the longest election day in recent history: relieved, exhaling, but nonplussed.

Relieved: I am absolutely and completely relieved that 45 just got foreclosed on by tens of millions of people. I have to admit, even as a pragmatic-identifying historian, I did find myself occasionally shocked at the things 45 did and undid. I am relieved that I don't have to brace myself for that level of shock and harm for an additional four years.

Exhaling: Which brings me to taking a breath. We all know 45 and his crew just might take the copper out of the walls on their way out, but thank goodness they will be out. For this I say Praise. The. Lordt. May the healing begin.

Nonplussed: And I can't help but also feel unbothered. I am under no illusion that my dream to see Black children and their ordinary brilliance be seen, respected, and amplified is going to come into fruition because of Joe Biden. In a world where the amount of white women who voted for 45 increased to 55%, and where 79% of all teachers are white women, I have to sit back and think, where is the liberation of my people going to come from? How are our Black babies going to access the kind of education that literally allows them to learn on grade-level, so that when the doors open, they have real opportunities?

I'm still grappling with these questions and don't have neat answers for you. But I do know that the power to achieve it lies between you and me.

How are you processing this new reality? Share your thoughts in the comments.